Well, it has been way too long. I decided to get a xanga web site because it was the thing to do. I have completely forgotten that I had one. Nearing the end of the semester I forgot about everything in the world except for Jesus, Nate and school work. Now that the school work is finished I think I can move on to the things that give me great pleasure. I used to write in a journal every night as well, which also lost its importance with the hecticness of life. These next couple of months before I student teach I am promising myself to enjoy the things I love: exercise, softball, reading, writing, and hanging out with people I love-Nate, family and friends. I'll cover the writing part through my subscription to Xanga. This entry will be titled "All the Lessons I've Learned Since October 1 2003"

My life took and unexpected turn on October 1st 2003-a turn for the better that is. God was and is not finished with me yet, that is for sure! What do I mean by being finished with me? I mean he has a lot of work to do in me before I can become a teacher, wife and mother all at the same time.  Every time we try to take control of our lives God will always, in some way, slap us upside the head and say "'my good and faithful servant, what are you doing!" If he will not drop me after the past 8 1/2 months than he will always stick by. The biggest struggle of mine-spiritually-is giving up my life, 100% of the time, every aspect.  I am sure others can relate with this one...why is it so hard? Is it because we can't see, touch, or hear him? Regardless, knowing and believing is what faith is all about. So if I came in contact with you over the past 8 months and told you God is amazing and has blessed me beyond what I deserve, that is exactly what I see! I do not deserve this life! I complain, whine, seek revenge and hold grudges with the best of them-yet he sticks by my side. He has taught me that I can't do anything without him, life is never going to be perfect and rosy-it's all about perspective and attitude, friendships will come and go but the true ones will always stick by, he has a plan specific for each one of us-we just have to be open to it, and last but not least: spiritual gifts are to be used and not ignored-and what a rewarding feeling it is to be used! Of course I would not realize any of these things without amazing individuals-Nate-that hold my hand and encourage. That is it for now, I am off to work on this fine Thursday morning...it is beautiful outside!

I'm goin' on a road trip today! I couldn't be happier than to end a horendous week with a day of total relaxation and God's beauty. Nature is where we see God. Look at the sun, can you tell me he is not amazing?

Thank goodness I am not going alone, Nate, D$, Heybs-and any other name you have for him-is kind enough to bless me with his presents. We have so much fun all the time!!!  Happy Saturday!!

"These days keep going on and on-God continues to wake me up everyday for reasons I am unable to figure out".....um...ya, I am guilty of saying that a few times today.

Feeling sorry for myself is not something He wants me to do.  Because we are human we often go after the empty gratification through the "poor me trap."  Does feeling sorry for myself make my life better? I think the crying for no apparant reason releases something, but nothing will ever feel good and right-full of peace-until God is the center.  I often want to shout that God is amazing, he is so good to me, he's got this, but I don't know if it is 100% true.  Am I really trusting him with everything in me, my whole entire being?  I get down because why? I am mad at him because i don't have the life someone else has? I'm not getting the praise and encouragement that the Joe Smo is and i need it more? All these thoughts show that life is nothing but clouds on the sunny days when Christ is not the center.  He is the best and wants to live in and through each and every one of us, it just can't happen until we give up.  There is a peace that we all can feel we are just to selfish and stubborn to see.  I will get no where in this life if I am telling Him what to do and asking for something He does not want me to have. I feel as if God was shouting to me today, "BE AUDREY PLEASE!!!!  YOU ARE SO BLESSED AND I WORK FOR THE GOOD IN THOSE WHO LOVE ME, SO PLEASE DON'T TURN SELFISH, JUST LOVE AND TRUST ME!"

This is supposed to be the new cool thing to do, and since I am always on top of whats "cool" I'm going to go ahead and do this.

It's 9:19 and I am wondering why I am not in bed when church starts at 10:45. 

I crave church.  I crave to hear my pastor's voice.  Today marks 5 weeks since I have been present in a church sermon.  This disgusts me. I crave the food of the Word because it is only through Christ that I find my peace, happiness and understanding in this world that has less than perfect things to offer. 

Valentine's day, what fun! I know there are many who think they should put great emphasis on how horrible the day is.  I came up with the conclusion that many of the lonely souls that criticize this Halmark holiday are making the choice of lonliness themselves.  If they really wanted to have a sweetie on Valentines day, there has got to be someone out there that would love to join them....I don't know anyone that is not able to get a date! I have a circle of friends that I know have a lot to offer, starting with a good time full of laughter and goofyness. 

Well I am off to get ready for that church service that I cannot live without. How long has it been since you got your feeding?? How hungry are you?